Fade to Black

I have been drawn to dark music for as long as I can really remember. This does not mean that I do not appreciate upbeat and positive music, but there is a part of my soul that screams for that darkness. I think the first time I can remember that feeling, that urge, had to do with yet another mixed tape, as provided by my cousin Bret - you might say much of this is your fault Bret :). On the tape was a collection of Alice Cooper - and we are talking circa 1980 - but the track that spoke most to me off that mixed tape, specifically, was "Cold Ethel."

It probably wouldn't have had the same impact, except Bret told me what the song was about. I am pretty sure had nightmares about that song for the rest of the vacation - but it spoke to me in a certain way.

To add some perspective, I had already out-read all of the library in my home room by the time that I was in grade 4. I managed, somehow to stumble upon Stephen King's "Salem's Lot" by the time I was nine, and it was as influential in my tastes in just about everything from that moment forward. I had my own darkness, and my own secrets by this point, but I had no idea of how to deal with them. I just knew that I understood the darkness inside of me. To discover that there were art forms out there that actually captured some of that dark, some of that pain, some of that.... well emo? long before emo was a thing? Well it was a bit of a revelation.

 There was a natural / unnatural progression to Black Sabbath (though it would be years before I really embraced this) and, believe it or not, AC/DC. For Sabbath, I think it was the eponymous album Black Sabbath and the self-titled song  (Paranoid would quickly replace this album in my favorites but for that point in time...)

From there, I am not exactly sure how that darkness manifested - Punk Rock came along, and there were many pieces that mixed the darkness with the political, or the angry or the emo... but suddenly, accidentally and thankfully, I discovered the Misfits. I am not alone in this influence. If you look at I can point to fifty different songs that embraced that moment in time for me, but I am not going to make you dive through the catalog.  You should, by all means, explore that catalog and find your own favorites, but my selection for this post is "Bullet."





I can rave about "Where Eagles Dare" or "I turned into a Martian" or "Ghoul's Night Out" but it is better that you discover those on your own.

From the Misfits, it is a really short leap to Alien Sex Fiend and Skinny Puppy. When, or perhaps before Industrial became a thing, I was immediately drawn into the two a fore mentioned bands. I first heard them on Augusta La Paix's  - Brave New Waves on late night CBC radio. For the young insomniac in me, it was a perfect fit - new music that I had zero exposure to, and something to fill the early morning hours before I had to get up and go to school.

My attraction to this style of music continues to this day - though I can always claim that it is healthy for me.  I remember my first room-mate Arthur coming home after work and finding me in the living room with no lights on, Skinny Puppy on blast, and just sort of huddled in the corner. However, it did nothing to dissuade me.

I am going to backtrack a little and talk to some of the new wave influences that captivated me in my quest for the darker side of life. With the exception of one, maybe two contemporary bands, nothing, I mean, nothing comes close to Tears For Fears - "The Hurting" - Dark, poignant, beautiful and still holds up today. I think my favourite back then - and probably due to my love of (melo)drama was "Watch Me Bleed"

Today, that track still holds true for me. But I am more likened towards Mad World, which has subsequently been covered by many people, but none so more masterfully than Gary Jules...

This album was pivotal to me in my teenage years. On top of the punk, the metal, and of course, Pink Floyd (who will rate their own post), this one touched deep inside, to the darker places that I couldn't really let anyone see. It was the first time I understood the concept of "Alone Together" (something that would later be tied to online correspondence and interaction in academic circles). 

I can't get through my teenage years - and in fact, I am not sure I could have gotten through my teenage years without Husker Du. Their co-founder, Bob Mould has continued to influence my life in many ways, with his band Sugar, and with his own solo work. I enjoyed all of the albums from Husker Du - but it was likely New Day Rising that sent them from an occasional listen to a regular rotation at my house. It is well worth your time to track down and listen to, but the very most influential, and perhaps the darkest of Husker Du, for me was Candy Apple Grey. With tracks such as "I don't want to know if you are lonely," "Sorry Somehow" and "No Promise Have I Made," it spoke to all the angst I had at the time, and indeed, have carried with me for decades now. But the double whammy of "Hardly Getting Over it"

and "Too Far Down" that really grabbed me, and that I turn too when I am feeling at my lowest. "Too Far Down" may even be the greatest heartbreak song ever written, at least in my humble opinion.

It is funny - I was never one to do much reading about the people who created the music that I love. I knew nothing about this band, I knew nothing about Bob Mould, even though he is somewhat of a demi-god in my universe. It was not until justa  few years ago that my friend Glenn pointed out that I should read See a Little Light - Bob's autobiography, that I actually learned about where this music, this genius, and this pain, all came from. Do yourself a favour and read his history.

I am going to jump forward a few years now - and speak specifically about Nine Inch Nails. The first thing I want to say is that in some ways, I am really glad I did not discover NIN until I was in my 20's. I think the intensity of raw emotion combined with the energy and dark edge of the music might have been too much for me when I was trying to figure out if I wanted to live or die as a teen. I have two first recollections of NIN - both very different, and I have no idea which one came first chronologically. I remember having flown to Toronto to audition for George Brown Theatre School. After the audition, I met up with my friend Katherine and her roomie Danica (or Dank) - We dropped acid and ended up at the Dance Cave above Lee's Palace. It was a Thursday night or something like that - and the club was pretty empty. There were these goth chicks scattered around the club, and every now and then someone would get up on the dance floor - no one seemed to be dancing with each other, they were just all in their own worlds dancing to the industrial music as it blasted out through the speakers. "Head Like a Hole" came on and I got up and became one of those people dancing with abandon, alone, but at the same time not alone. The music surged through me, it touched a core deep inside me and I let myself go completely into the song. For that moment in time I was transported and - pardon the corny reference - was one with the music.

And then, because I was on acid, in a strange city and was catching a flight home in the wee hours of the morning, I promptly forgot all about it.

The next "first" recollection I have was walking into the comic shop I co-owned with three of my friends, and Lisa was playing The Downward Spiral - I walked in, stopped moving, stopped talking - listened for two or three tracks, asked her what it was I was listening to, and once she replied, I turned around, walked across the street to Fred's Records and bought every different NIN release they had in stock. I have bought everything since and will continue to do so. Trent Reznor may not have the exact same edge that he had in those early days - and his anger may be different now, but the drive and the focus and the intensity have not shifted. By the time he released The Fragile (which I consider to be his finest work to date), I was in, hook line and sinker.

The Fragile was something of a departure, I think from his earlier work - it was weirdly optimistic - tracks like the title track "The Fragile" and "We're in this Together" looked at the darkness and shone a little light on the the possibilities of a way through this mess for some...

 


It was a double album of beautiful track after beautiful track, and yes, there was the less optimistic tracks - "Star Fuckers" and perhaps my favourite track on the album "The Wretched"

I could go on and on about NIN, and indeed, about my love of some of the darker sides of music, I mean, I have not even gotten to my fairly recent discovery and love of Psychobilly bands like The Creepshow or the HorrorPops. However, I am going to sign off here. I will close out just as Reznor closes out each of his concerts.

As always - if you liked what you have read and what you have heard, please feel free to share - if you have musical suggestions for me or thoughts and ideas - please don't hesitate to contact me. Til soon...